Reflection Before Resolutions

As 2023 comes to a close, I am reminded of the gentle thud that was the end of 2022.  Nothing had gone particularly wrong that year, and I had a stash of great memories to carry forward, but I just felt blah.  I’ve never been one to set a New Year’s resolution and I didn’t feel like it was the answer to resurrecting my enthusiasm for daily life.  So I took time in the first weeks of January to contemplate what was missing and while the answers were plentiful and many seemed like lofty goals or elements of life that were out of my control, one thing stuck out to me.  Running was no longer bringing me the mental reset and physical boost that I relied on to carry me through the more stressful and less joyous parts of my week.  In the spring of 2022 I ran a 5k personal record with a time goal that I had been striving for over the previous couple years.  The biggest let down of that race was that I got absolutely no satisfaction from accomplishing  that goal…something in me had changed and I needed to reevaluate why I ran. And to be clear, I am a runner in the sense that I run consistently, set small goals, register for the occasional race and I do it because it makes me happy (historically).  I am not fast, I don’t run marathons, but I get out and run 3-5 days a week.  But I had found myself just going through the motions and getting nothing in return.  I knew that I needed to find the joy in running again.

Now anyone who specializes in goal setting will tell you that you cannot set a goal to ‘enjoy running’ as it’s not specific or measureable.  So I did a deep dive into myself and shared my thoughts with other running friends and slowly a plan developed.  I decided to join an online running community through Another Mother Runner, called Many Happy Miles.  The idea of spending money on running motivation was hard for me to swallow and it took me quite a while to actually follow through.  After all, I wasn’t lacking motivation, but I was lacking ‘happy miles’ and the program was designed to help people find enjoyment in forward movement and it encouraged involvement in the online community.  Our family’s most recent move had left me without a running community and I was aware that this was part of what  was missing in my running.  As the facebook group kicked off and the monthly materials landed in my inbox, I felt myself getting excited.  The monthly plans were well designed, fun and varied. I used this information, in addition to my usual weekly mileage, to set a mileage goal for the year.  The goal would push me to be consistent in my running, but would allow for lower mileage periods due to illness, injury or travel.  I couldn’t wait to get started.  In fact, I was so excited and the materials were so inspiring that I jumped into too many happy miles and entered February with a severe case of plantar fasciitis. Shockingly, I wasn’t discouraged, I was determined to find a way forward.  The many happy miles facebook community had a slew of other people facing physical challenges, mental challenges, family challenges and the support that emanated from the community was beyond anything I had ever experienced.  I used advice from other members and also sought the guidance of a local physical therapist who is a runner.  I lowered my mileage, I worked on my form, I added more strength training and I used the workout options in the plans to vary my workouts.  

The year continued to unfold with the mileage under my feet and by late spring, my plantar fasciitis was completely gone and I had found joy in my running shoes.  I didn’t stress when mileage was low for one reason or another and l stopped trying to strive for specific running goals.  By fall, I felt like myself again and registered for two trail races, one of which I had pulled out of two years prior due to a shoulder dislocation from a trail running crash.  I entered that race with the goal of enjoying the miles, among others who love to run trails.  I ended that race on the top of the podium for my age group and just happy to be back in my element.  I hit my mileage goal Christmas day during a drizzly run, where I left the house not super enthused, but finding my stride as my feet soaked in the water, the deer gave me a Merry Christmas nod and absorbing the joy that comes from the intense quiet of a Christmas Day run, down a dirt road, in the rain.

This experience has left me passionate about taking time in the New Year to truly evaluate what you want from yourself in the upcoming year.  Resolutions tend to revolve around being healthier or financially more successful, but I would encourage everyone to start with the why, then backtrack to the goal.  Why do you want to lose weight, eat healthier, have more money, be more charitable?  What needs to change in your life to make your day to day more fulfilling and more enjoyable? What do you need to change to be more true to yourself?  These deep dives are more time consuming and harder than setting a goal to eat more veggies or hitting the gym twice a week, but so much more rewarding.

In closing, I want to thank the Many Happy Miles community for being by my side through this year of growth and it is with mixed feelings that I will not join again this year.  I’m going to miss everything about the program, but I also know that I am in a different place this year, with different goals and the need to put my money towards a different path. It has taken a lot of reflection to recognize this truth as it’s always easier to keep doing what has felt good in the past.  I may join again in years to come or maybe in February when I realize it was a mistake to leave, but for now, I’m ready to work on some of those other aspects of life that will allow me to feel fulfilled and joyous.  

I wish everyone the best in the New Year and encourage you to find time for peace and reflection to kick off 2024.